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So you've gone through this random web site and decided that this family sounds like so much fun and has so much family spirit that you'd like to be adopted.

We, as a family, are open to adoption applications, but you must first pass this simple test:

1. (men only). Which of the following best describes your tonsorial situation:
A: Not enough hair for my head.
B: Too much head for my hair.
C: Not sure, I'm always wearing a Bacardi hat.

2. (men only). If you were a beer, what kind of beer would you be?
A: Lager.
B: Ale.
C: Stout. Very stout.

3. (women only). Name the widest part of your anatomy:
A: Smile.
B: Hips.
C: <ahem> Triceps.

4. What is your favorite way to share your love with those closest to you?
A: Long telephone calls. Very long telephone calls.
B: Telling a 15-minute-long story about something embarrassing they did ten years ago.
C: Telling a 15-minute-long story about something embarrassing they did ten minutes ago.

5. When listening to your spouse tell a story you've heard before, what phrase best describes your facial expression:
A: Bemused tolerance.
B: Blissful inattention.
C: I'm sorry, I must not have been listening--what was the question again?

6. When you snore (which you almost certainly do), what do you remind people of?
A: One of those bubbling mud pots at Yellowstone.
B: An out-of-tune VW Beetle.
C: A litter of nursing piglets.

7. What's your favorite part about a DonTigny family reunion:
A: Interminable months of pre-reunion planning.
B: Years of reunion reminiscences at future DonTigny gatherings.
C: No matter what happens, we never run out of cold beer.

8. When sitting down to a beer + hot dogs + baked beans cookout with the DonTigny family, where would you sit?
A: Next to the campfire.
B: Close to the beer cooler.
C: Upwind.

See how easy that was? Now just submit your application along with a 500-word essay on "Why I'd Like to be a DonTigny" to laura (at) dontigny.com. The best essays will be posted on the web site and the family can then vote. Winners will get to plan Missouri Reunion 2005.